Fucking Metaphors

I've been reading too much Vonnegut. The thing about Vonnegut is that nothing that he writes is to be taken at face value. Everything is more than they seem to be...innocent-seeming ideas are enlarged, but still, they are hollow, empty, nothings, an echo of reality. I'm currently seeing the world through his lenses...and I'm not satisfied.

Things aren't in a good state. It's...fucked up, metaphorically speaking. A house that isn't a home, a life that is merely an existence, and a fragile stained-glass facade. FLASH AND EXPLOSION BUT WHEN THE DUST SETTLES THERE'S NOTHING TO SEE, LADIES AND GENTS. The magician isn't putting in enough effort anymore.

I'm not usually so down like this. I have my moments of melancholy. Melancholy is good for the soul; it tempers it, and sets it grounded. The realization of unhappiness and of imperfection sets the foundation for improvement. I'm not gonna settle. Fuck mediocrity. I want to be something more than what I am, but right now, there is no indication of that happening, and it worries me. I am 19 but I am nothing.

I don't want to live a nothing life. Not anymore.

Happy

When you learn to be content with the small things, it's hard to look at bigger things with the same sense of awe and appreciation. Largely, I've reached a stage where I'm happy with just about everything. Going out with friends, jogging, walking around with no purpose, receiving messages from people you care about, and stuff...they never fail to put a smile upon my face.

So when bigger things come along, how does one which is so easily satisfied supposed to react? It's hard to be MORE satisfied, so then comes along the problem of...if I'm going to get equal satisfaction from both things, then why bother with something which simply gives more trouble? I'm not really sure what point I'm trying to get to, but my birthday's here, and I don't really know how to feel. I guess I haven't been able to think about it so much, because there's so many things going on with my life...so much that it doesn't seem that significant anymore.

But still, people choose to make a big deal about it, and at the back of my mind, there's a voice saying that it should be a big deal, but now that I think about it, should it be...really?

I'm happy, don't doubt that please, but at the same time, my mind is filled with noise, my heart with unease, and discomfort. Nothing is certain, and as time passes, everything is changing. I've passed out from BMT, I've received my A-level results, and I'm about to apply for university. At the same time, I feel a longing for a certain void in my life to be filled.

Life's not perfect, but I'll still live it, and I'll face it with a smile.

Sam's Town

Read a 9/11 thread on SomethingAwful, and it made me tear up abit. (Link)

"This is fucking terrible. I dont know anyone in new york, I have never been to new york, shit I might even have a hard time finding new york on a map. I realized that i had went to sleep about forty-five minutes before the attack (5:00 pst) and woke up at seven. My roommate told me that a plane had struck the World Trade Center, and that it was on fire. I figured that some air traffic controller had fell asleep at the console, and passed out for a half-hour. Then I get online and see twenty fucking "cnn breaking news" emails in my box, and I figured out what went on. It seemed so surreal. So fucking surreal. I almost cried when I saw the pictures of the people jumping off the buildings. Jesus Christ, that could have been San francisco, or Los Angeles, or St. louis, anywhere. Innocent people where hijacked and fucking drove into some fucking buildings. They where probably just settling in, thinking about whether they should pay the three bucks to get the headphones for the in-flight movie or if they want a goddamn complimentary drink. Then some motherfuckers who think that somehow, someway, killing a shitload of people and doing hundreds of billions of dollars worth of damages will in any way make their country's lives better take over the goddamn plane. Probably spouting all their bullshit about the "terrible american zionists" and the "oppression suffered at your dirty capitalist hands" all the way until they parked the plane on some innocent typist's desk at 500mph. Jesus Christ, whomever was sitting there at ground zero was probably happy until the last fifteen seconds of their lives, thinking how great it was to have a window seat at the World Trade Center and how their career was really moving along. Then a low pitch starts in their ears, slowly getting louder..then shit on their desk starts to rattle then BAM! they are fucking roadkill by some goddamn terrorists who are jealous of the economic conditions of the US and instead of fucking DOING SOMETHING ABOUT IT, they whine about being oppressed and blow shit up. God, what a bunch of fucking children."

Feeling Soup-er.

Title's a reference to a t-shirt I just bought. Is nice.

It's the weekend once again, and I'm out of Tekong. I've gotten used to this feeling, of being free one moment, then chained the next; one life on the weekends, and then another on the weekdays. A hard transition, truly, but when you've done it enough times, as with everything else, you get used to it. You adapt, you evolve, and you move on.

Ask me whether I've learned anything, and I'll say I'm not sure. For sure, my sergeants have inculcated drills, field craft, technical handling, and other army knowledge into my head, but have I learned anything about myself? I find myself thinking, and questioning myself...have I grown? I've gotten slimmer, fitter, and botak-er, but that's about it. I've yet to reach that feeling of...achievement, victory...or perhaps it's another formless concept I haven't conceived of yet.

I long for inner-growth. I want to be more than I can become. There's so much potential in me, I get excited just thinking about what may happen next, and to what lengths I can bring myself to. They say that you reap what you sow, and I guess I'll follow this mentality as I go through army life. It's not a front, or anything of the sort, it's just a want to do the best you can, at all times. Like I did in Junior College, I'm going to chiong army, yeah.

Anyways, I'll just update you on how things have been going lah. I'm not sure how much of my army life I can divulge, but I can tell you at the very least that I'm coping well. The 5BX, CPT, AGR, 30-60...I've gotten used to them. Come next week, however, I'm not sure how I'll handle it. Field Camp leh. 6 days in the jungle, without phones, showers, toilets, proper food, and lights. I don't know what it's going to be like. I think I'll grow to dread the night, especially, when the chances of us getting tekan-ed increases, exponentially.

Ahh, I'll leave it here. Going to read manga. Booking in timing is at 6 today, which is horrendously early. Sigh. See you next weekend guys, I'll probably do a small post on field-camp :). Congrats to all those who did relatively well for their Os, and again, it's not about the results, but it's about what you do with 'em.

Another head aches, another heart breaks
I'm so much older than I can take
And my affection, well it comes and goes
I need direction to perfection, no no no no

Oh, and when will our heartbeats fall into two lines
And the click-clack of our boot heels beat out the same time
Oh, and when will your hand find itself in mine?
Oh, and when will your hand find itself in mine?

And though I don't know your real name
Your real age, or your shoe size
I will leave this bedroom chair
And this keyboard behind

And I will love you in reality and dreams
And I will love you in reality and dreams

And though it kills me to know
That when we are through
You go to your real lover
Who'll put real kisses on you

Oh well, an ex is about the best that I can do
Oh well, an ex is about the best that I can do

And so this lonely, lonely hull
Has no use left for living
After finding her love
In a heart so unpermitting

And I will die and never ever hold your hand
And I will die and never ever hold your hand

But I'll kiss my lips and I'll blow it to you
It'll be the last thing that I ever do
And wherever you go and whatever you do
There's a man underground that will always love you

Oh, wherever you go and whatever you do
There's a man underground that will always love you

Wherever you go and whatever you do
There's a man underground that will always love you

Second Lover
by Noah and The Whale

All The Zunes Are Fail

Goodbye 2008. You've been one of the most bestest year of my life, and I thank you for all the memories, friendships, laughter, and everything else that you've given me. All the good times and even the few bad ones will not be forgotten. Seriously, it's been such...a...blast. From beginning to end, I enjoyed myself.

Haha. Honestly speaking, I'm really not getting into the spirit of any holiday because of army life, so I'll just move on. Belated Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year to everyone but me :'(.

On to other news! I was in camp the other day, and me and my section mates were super bored so we decided to listen to music. I took out my Zune, because I have the best songs, but to my surprise, it had no batteries, despite the fact that I had charged it only the day before. Come New Year's Eve, I went to charge said device, but I found myself stuck at the booting up screen.

I didn't think much of it, because as far as I know, I haven't been too careful with my stuff. Something may have just cocked-up inside; sooner or later, it'll be in working condition again. But apparently...I had nothing to do with the faultiness of my device, this time around! In an event now dubbed in the interwebs as Z2K9, ALL 30GB Zunes failed at the same time.



I don't know how to feel. I'm not pissed, more of amused, because seriously, wth. This is the epitome of epic fail, if I've ever seen one. So yes, laugh at me...the only one in Singapore whose interest was roused by this piece of news. Damn me and my aversion to conformity. I should have gotten an iPod...

Boxers and Briefs

As weird as this may seem, I'm going to use boxers and briefs to describe my NS experience.

Ever since I discovered boxers back when I was still in Secondary 3, I never went back to briefs. The comfort it provided was unparalleled, and it felt more mature, in a way. Imagine the shock I felt when I was told I couldn't wear boxers in NS. I promptly bought a box of Byfords, and since my confinement began on December 11, I've worn nothing but briefs, and briefs, and briefs. And briefs.

So yesterday, my confinement period of 14 days finally came to an end, and I went home for the first time. After showering, I put on a pair of boxers, and thought myself blissful.

But it wasn't comfortable. It was weird, awkward, awkweird. The sudden lack of constraints and support and structure and rigidity was so disconcerting. I'm not saying that I didn't like it, but man, it was so strange to go back to boxers once more.

So yes, going into NS is like switching from boxers to briefs, and booking out is the other way around. NS was fine, I guess. I made plenty of new friends, and my section mates are cool, and so are the people in my platoon. The sergeants are tough most of the time, but I shouldn't have expected anything less. It felt like I was getting into the swing of things...and then I'm out again, and I can't help but feel down that I'm going to go back to NS/briefs once more.

We come from a company
Famous in BMT
We come from a very special company

We fight for our glory
We fight for our victory
We fight with a spirit never seen before

Raven 3!
Raven 3!
All the way!

We like it here!
We like it here!
We found ourselves a home!
A home!
A home sweet home!

NS

Haha. Yeah, well, shit.

I'll miss you guys. Everyone. I've always been someone who tried to take control, who walked to his own rhythm, who never listened to anyone else, and as such, I'm taking the idea of conscription really hard. For once, I've no handle on where my life goes. It feels like I'll be left behind by a world which never stops for the individual.

The thing is, everyone will grow, everyone will change. And...I won't be there to witness it, nor be a part of it, and it feels like...I don't have my hand in places it was before. The strings of the self-styled puppet master have been cut, and shipped off to an island called Tekong. Ok, perhaps that was a negative metaphor, but you get the idea. It's just sad for me that I won't be part of your lives for so long, now.

I'll see you soon, I'll miss you now.

The Epitome Of Fitness.

Endorsed by Raymond Angelo

Hi everyone.

Wasn't intending to doublepost today, but apparently, Glen Wirawan, my secondary school friend was entered into a Mr Clorets contest by his sister, and by some twist of fate, he made it into the finals. Please, do vote for him at the following link: www.radio913.com. Speaking as his friend for quite a few years, I can safely say from the bottom of my heart that he's a genuinely nice dude, and he deserves your vote.

I'm Raymond Angelo, and I approve of this message.

Picture edit OH SNAP!:

From Jiaw's blog: www.mrbva.blogspot.com.

So hot, I don't need to warm up.

Disclaimer: Feel free to share this. I only typed out the population and urban questions, because as easy as it looks, I'm not touching globalisation. It's easy, but I that's a discovery I made only a few days ago...too close for comfort. Oh, and I typed only up to RJC. I may edit again, but it's comprehensive enough of a list, I think. Truth be told, the questions are very very far-ranging. I tried to arrange it to an extent...but yeah, they're very broad. And what came to light too is the different teaching styles the schools seem to have. It's very clear some schools emphasized on certain areas our school didn't, so suddenly, I'm feeling quite scared.

Before the list; I've got a hell-schedule next week. Monday is Physics, then Econs, then Econs, then Geography. Globalisation's outta the way. I finished micro and Population today. Tomorrow will be macro and Urban. Monday morning will be all Physics. Monday evening, all the way to Tuesday morning will be Econs. Tuesday evening all the way to Wednesday evening will be Human Geog.

Almost there!

Population

-Describe and explain the factors that influence fertility. (9m) CJC

-With reference to examples, explain how the use of contraception is key to controlling fertility rates. (9m) NJC

-Discuss how proximate determinants of fertility have affected the demography of a country you have studied. (16m) NYJC

-‘Capitalism is the best for of contraception’. To what extent do you agree that economic growth is the most important factor in reducing fertility rates in a country?

-Identify the factors which may help explain how epidemics and infectious diseases may affect countries differently. (9m) RJC

-Using examples, explain how political and cultural barriers may operate as constraints to the acceptance and integration of migrants. (9m) AJC

-To what extent do you agree that transnational migrants are usually beneficial to both sending and receiving countries? (16m) AJC/MI/MJC

-‘Globalisation has increased the flow of transnational migrants and the complexity of their movement,” Assess the extent to which this is true for migratory flows you have studied. (16m) HCI

-Describe and explain the trends in migrations of people in recent years. (9m) HCI

-Using examples, explain how transnational migration may be influenced by political and cultural factors. (9m) IJC

-Describe and account for the changing nature of migration since the 1960s. (9m) JJC

-Discuss the factors which influence a person’s migrability. (9m) MI

-With reference to an example, describe and explain the socioeconomic differentials that exist within a country. (9m) CJC

-To what extent do you agree that governments are effective in controlling and managing population growth? (16m) AJC/HCI

-Assess the need for forecasting of population changes and the role of the government in population planning. (16m) DHS

-Discuss the roles of population structures in population forecasting and planning. (9m) DHS

-Discuss the challenges of increasing dependency ratios to governments. (16m) CJC

-Assess the social and economic consequences for families and for the state when most couples have only one or two children. (16m) MI

-Evaluate the success of government policies in countering an ageing population. (16m) RJC

-Explain the need for, and the problems of, population forecasting at the national scale with references to a country or countries. (9m) MI

-A recent demographic survey by the UN cut down the estimates of population in 2050. Discuss the validity of this statement with reference to recent population trends. (16m) IJC

-What factors may affect the timing of the demographic transition experienced by different countries? Use examples to support your answer. (9m) AJC/MJC

-Explain the hedonist and conservationist view in population-resource relationships. (9m) DHS/IJC

-Discuss how global variations in resource use and societal change affect population-resource relationships and sustainable development. (16m)

-With the aid of examples, comment on the view that population growth stimulates the development of technology which will utilize resource more efficiently. (16m) AJC

-Explain the key concepts of Malthus’ theory of population change. (9m) HCI

-To what extent are population pyramids useful in helping governments to formulate relevant policies to curb future problems in their countries? (16m) IJC

-Japan’s National Institute of Population has predicted the population will be extinct by the year 3387. To what extent do you agree that such predictions are of limited value? (16m) MJC

-With reference to population resource theories, evaluate the view that the current world food production would be adequate to feed the world population. (16m) NJC

Urban

-With reference to examples from both DCs and LDCs, explain the formation of the inner city. (9m) AJC

-Distinguish between counter-urbanisation, sub-urbanisation, and re-urbanisation. (9m) CJC

-Compare the current urbanization trends in DCs with those in LDCs. (9m) NJC

-Discuss the impacts of rapid urbanization. (9m) NJC

-With reference to examples from DCs, evaluate the economic, social and environmental consequences of decentralization. (16m) CJC

-Describe the operation of centrifugal and centripetal forces in the central city and explain why these forces occur. (9m) HCI

-Using examples, discuss the challenges that urban planners in megacities face. (16m) AJC/HCI/IJC

-Urbanisation in LDCs typically focuses on the main or capital city. Do you agree? (16m) AJC

-Using examples, explain how historical factors and government planning can influence urban structure. (9m) MJC

-Using examples, explain the influence of the global economy/globalization on urban structures/central cities. (9m) AJC/IJC/MJC

-Explain how functional urban zoning influences the nature of the central city and industrial location in urban areas. (9m) DHS

-Using annotated diagram(s), evaluate the usefulness and applicability of the bid-rent theory to explaining city lay-outs in both DCs and LDCs. (9m) MI

-To what extent does improved accessibility help explain the recent changes in the locations of the main retailing, industrial and residential zones in a city? (16m) MI

-With reference to one or more located examples, discuss how bid-rent theory is of limited use in explaining the land-use patterns in cities. (9m) RJC

-Assess the range of public and private initiatives used in urban regeneration. (16m) CJC

-With reference to examples, assess the success of different strategies for reimaging in cities. (16m) DHS/HCI/RJC

-‘Only economic growth can reduce inequalities in cities.’ Does this position conflict with principles of sustainable urban development? Evaluate. (16m) NJC

-Illustrating with examples, critically evaluate the priorities that are likely to influence the future form of cities in DCs. (16m) MJC

-With reference to one or more examples of urban areas, assess the success of inner-city redevelopment schemes. (16m) NJC

-To what extent do you agree that urban transport problems are highly-correlated to the economic development of the city? (16m) RJC

-Outline the challenges faced by authorities in the management of transport problems in urban areas. (9m) DHS

-Assess the effectiveness of management strategies used to reduce transport problems. (16m) HCI

-Discuss the problems faced by inner-cities and explain the causes of these problems. (9m) CJC

-Discuss the extent of social problems within urban areas in LDCs, and MDCs. (16m) DHS/MI

-‘Community involvement is the most effective way to ameliorate urban housing problems,’ Evaluate the validity of this statement. (16m) IJC

-With reference to specific examples, discuss the issues related to social and ethnic segregation in urban areas in Developed Countries. (16m) IJC

-Describe the factors that may lead to socio-economic segregation within cities. (9m) MI/RJC

-Using examples outline the causes of housing problems in cities of DCs and critically examine the attempts to overcome such problems. (16m) MJC

-Describe the challenges of living in large cities and assess the responses to these challenges. (16m) NYJC

Major Minor

I was going to say alot of stuff, but looking at this photo, I find myself speechless, in the most positive sense of the word. The election of Barack Obama will bring lasting change to the United States, and the future is filled with hope, and dreams. As a minority myself, Obama's elections has solidified my belief that...race doesn't really matter, know? Because I've always been a minority, and in a sense, even if I go back to the Philippines, I'll still be a minority, and so...oops, train of thought lost.

Hope you get my drift anyways.

Thinking about my past and all my possible futures.

I wanted to reach school before 8 today, and then do a full GP essay to simulate Monday but it's raining soooooooo hard over here you won't believe it. It feels like apocalypse. There's thunder, lightning, darkness, and endless streams of water-bullets dropping from the sky.

Wah sian like this how to do my simulation....

Anyways, will be in school today, and most probably tomorrow. Today's my final push-push, and tomorrow's my relaxed push. I don't think any studying can go on much on Monday because I'll be brain-dead after GP and Geog. With Wednesday and Thursday, I'll be chionging Math Paper 2s, and get a head start on my Human Geog and Econs, both of which I haven't touched much.

I almost can't believe that it's here, but it is, and yesterday, as I went home, I realize that the results, as much as it matters, is beyond my control and that my abilities and preparations can only take me so far. Sometimes, you just got to believe.